Thursday, April 29, 2010

I spent last night with Bobby Long

On Wednesday, due to some very strange events, right smack in the middle of a very strange week, I happened upon a web site for a local music venue and saw that Bobby Long was playing there THAT NIGHT. After looking at my calendar once or eight times, to make sure I was seeing the date correctly, I immediately called my Twi Friend in Crime, LQ, and was all like “OMG, one of Rob’s good friends, who co-wrote Let Me Sign in Twilight, is playing tonight nearby! He has a really similar style to Rob!” I gave her his name and told her to check him out online. She got all excited -“he really is like Rob! “Let’s go!”

So go we did. We went straight after work and had seats a few rows from the stage. Neither of us had a camera though - since we didn’t get to go home first. But when Bobby came out, he looked like this:

And this:

Except he was wearing an Ohio State t-shirt, really big eye glasses and his hair was obscuring most of his face, like a giant hair tongue. (And he had a unique way of playing with his hair tongue - flipping it back and forth from one side to the other.) But otherwise, he looked the same. And by same, I mean

Other women (which the audience overwhelmingly consisted of - SHOCKER) had some serious camera equipment going on. I’m not sure if they were hoping to catch him loosing his pants or something, but those flash bulbs did not stop.

I was immediately in awe of how similar he was to Rob - same body type, same clothing style, same accent, similar mannerisms, similar singing voice and guitar style, crazy healthy head of hair, scruffy facial hair, soft spoken and polite, self-effacing. I kept squinting, pretending it was Rob.

He was downing Blue Moons all night (we shared that in common - except I only had one) constantly delivered by someone said to be his girlfriend, and he was making fun of the orange in it. “Is this a beer or a fruit salad?”

Like Rob, he would laugh softly at himself and lick his lips a lot. I remarked that he had really, really nice teeth. And the lips weren’t bad either.

He told us this was his first gig back after being off for 3 weeks, taking some time off to iron out the details for his new recording contract. He said he preferred being on stage to meeting with lawyers. That this was the scariest and most beautiful time. He is planning to have an album out by the end of the summer.

He insulted all the over-45 people in the crowd when he told a story about “an old guy” and then mentioned that the guy was around 45. It was kind of bizarre that his audience had very few people his own age in it. I wondered if he thinks it’s bizarre…

He also announced he just moved to America, but wouldn’t say where. LQ yelled out “What city?” and he said “America”. Cute. But LQ had the last laugh. She ended up meeting his American girlfriend in the bathroom, where she mentioned living in NYC. We're guessing that’s where he moved to? LQ wondered when they when leaving town and if they would come over if she invited them to dinner. She's nice like that. I told her to go for it.

If we had a camera this would have been us after the show:

But we honestly wouldn’t have looked as good as these girls!

And if we had purchased a shirt, we would have gotten him to do this:

It was a work-night - and we got home late - so we chatted about the experience today:

(RB is me, Rob's Bitch - DOH!)

RB: Did you get a hold of Bobby and his girlfriend to invite them over for dinner tonight?
LQ: Ha ha!
She was sweet! I actually can't assume that she is his girlfriend, but his female companion was very nice
RB: I think someone in the audience said she was his girlfriend
LQ: Oh, well let's run with it then
I really think it would be nice to invite them to dinner
RB: Get them all liquored up and hope she passes out so we can have our way with him
LQ: You are bad!!
RB: I'd make him wear my Rob mask
and speak a lot
tell you stories about fucking you in Wales
actually, don't print this, but he did not look very well endowed
RB: sorry, I'm printing that!
RB: THere is lots of talk about how well endowed or not endowed Rob is
The general consensus is he's a grower, not a shower
LQ: OH, well, maybe that is Bobby's issue too
RB: I thought Bobby looked very nice in his tight jeans
LQ: I did not like his jeans
RB: what was wrong with his jeans?
LQ: He had stuff in his pockets that made his hips look wide and feminine and the seat was a little baggy
RB: How many Rum and Cokes did you have?
RB: I soooooo did not see any of that
LQ: Okay, well, I am glad you enjoyed is pants
I think he would have been a lot better with no pants
RB: Yes
and yes
LQ: Okay, I have some opinions to share about his music
I think that his voice is beautiful and his playing was brilliant
However, while I am sure his lyrics were nice, I have never heard them before and in a live performance I did not really pick up on what he was saying.
RB: Are you sure you were listening? I think you said "He's so Adorable!" at least 50 times.
LQ: shut up
But mostly the issue I have with his music is that it ran on in a steady stream instead of having ups and downs. I don't know what that is called because I do not know anything about music
Yes, he is so adorable
RB: I totally agree with you
That he is adorable
well not kidding
but about his music
LQ: I was able to identify one cover tune. He sang it better than what I might hear on the radio. One of the other women in the audience shouted out that Muddy and some other artists could not have done better
RB: There were 3 songs that encompassed all that is great about a song: moving lyrics, a catchy section and stirring chords
That sounded legitimate, right?
I'm terrible with this crap too
It reminds me of the time I had to do a music review of a jazz band in college - pre internet. So I couldn't even look up fake shit to write. It was awful.
LQ: Yeah, I just know what I like. To me his songs felt to even.
or steady
RB: And too many of them sounded the same. It was hard to distinguish one from the other
LQ: Yes, I think so. But, did you understand many of the lyrics?
RB: I could understand the lyrics. SO much more than I can understand Rob when he sings
It made me wonder if I really would like to have Rob do an entire album. Would it be boring?
LQ: Oh, I LOVED his jokes and comments! I thought that made the whole performance much more fun and it felt like we were getting a connection with him. It loosened the audience up and made us laugh a lot. It felt like an experience.
RB: I could understand Bobby much better when he sang, than when he spoke
LQ: Yeah, his speaking was pretty mumbly, but others seemed to understand him
One thing that was missing for me was the feeling that I had been emotionally swept up in Bobby's songs. Normally I feel that in a live performance. While I think he is a very talented singer and musician, I think someone else should write his songs.
RB: Someone ELSE should write his songs? Oh, that's c.o.l.d!
Maybe he just needs collaborators
He's only been playing guitar for 7 years. I think he has lots of potential
I'll be really interested to hear him in a band situation. See what the other musicians might bring to the table
LQ: That would be GREAT!!
RB: It was so exciting when he added the harmonica!
LQ: Okay, well I can't say someone else should write his songs because I did not understand what he was saying. I guess he could write the lyrics if someone else wrote the music.
YES, I loved the harmonica!
and I am not a big harmonica fan.
RB: I'm looking forward to his album
and going to his release party
where Rob will be
and then I’ll get to make out with ROb
you can have Bobby
LQ: Yes, that is what will happen
RB: I have to say that a bit of the ROb mystique seems to have faded after seeing his friend so close up
it's like they are just “regular guys"
sweet and nice ones, but not some "other"
LQ: Yes, I can see that. I think he did feel very accessible. It is nice, though.
RB: That is a lot of their appeal
kind of unprecedented
which is why I hold on to the delusion that I'll be his luv-ah
LQ: This could all get worse...your obsession
RB: I don't know
any little element could tip it one way or the other
Rob himself says that if you meet him, you realize quickly that he ain't all that interesting or exciting which of course makes him more interesting and exciting
he should write a book for other men
LQ: I can see what you mean. Very strange mix
RB: Now, what if it was Taylor Lautner performing last night. Doing backflips and break dancing on stage
What would you have done?
LQ: Okay, well, you need to understand that while I think TL is very hot with his new body and he is adorable in a way, I am not attracted to him. I like Jacob, not Taylor
RB: Ok, we'll go with that

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

You can still vote for Rob - TIME'S 100 Most Influential

This is one looooooong voting process. Which works to our advantage. I'm sure many other "fans" have long forgotten about this, so now's the time to sneak in and take it for Rob! can vote over and over and over.

You didn't have any other plans for the day, right? So keep voting!


Monday, April 19, 2010

Is Robert Pattinson a technological "perfect storm"?

Sometimes I stand back and look at my obsession with Rob and ask “why is this actor different than all the others?” (Kind of like one of questions you’d ask at a Passover Seder.) Is it that there has never been an actor who has caught the public imagination before? Or is it just a matter of WHEN Rob came into the picture; during an explosion of technology – Internet, email, laptops, WiFi, Photoshop, DVD players, blogs, Twitter, Facebook, YouTube, digital cameras, OneTrueMedia, camera phones, webcams, DVR’s, online entertainment magazines, message boards, Fandango, CafePress, Blackberries, I Phones, etc.

In other words, the phenomenon of Rob seems to feed off of itself due to the accessibility OF Rob – something never experienced at this kind of level before.

Think about it. At what other time has the public had this kind of access to actors? When has a group of women people ever had this kind of ability to network at this extreme level – all revolving around one actor?

Yeah, this guy.

Previously, all you were able to do was maybe start a fan club. And that would primarily entail writing letters or requesting an autographed photo. You could get studio photos and read about your favorite stars in magazines – news that was old by the time you saw it. Sometimes there would be newspaper stories and photos. Maybe there would be a contest to meet the actor or a chance to get a glimpse of him/her at a premiere or at the Academy Awards.

This was my bible and these guys were all over my walls.

But all of that has CHANGED. A lot.

Now we expect 24/7 updates on their whereabouts. We demand their filming schedules so we can set -stalk them. We can communicate directly with them – on their blogs, on Twitter, on Facebook, on message boards. We can watch them eating, or buying underwear – LIVE!

Rob, you were this close to losing an entire fan base if you had gone with the briefs. Seriously.

There is a lot of action to follow, thus a lot of potential for devoting entire blogs to them. Like.never.before.

If it wasn’t for all the blogs I started reading after discovering Rob, that were so damn entertaining, would I have gotten so into him? These women bloggers are incredible at reporting every detail of Rob’s existence. It’s enticing, and addicting. But without that, would I have succumbed so fully? Would the obsession have been sustained so long?

I don’t think so.

Don’t get me wrong. Rob is special. But I would never have seen just HOW special, if I wasn’t able to watch his interviews on YouTube, read all his interviews online or watch the Twilight DVD over, and over and over. Or search for RobPorn night and day. We can’t forget THAT important component. Photo shoot outtakes posted online? Um, yeah. That’s a BIG part of my indoctrination.

Vanity Fair - the outtakes that kept on giving...multiple orgasms.

So does this explain it? Can it be explained?

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

BOOTYPEST - bwahahahahahahaaha

Someone in an online comment used the term Bootypest to describe Kristen Stewart's birthday visit to see Robert Pattinson in Budapest this past weekend and I thought that was fucking brilliant! I'd travel to Europe too for a few days if it meant getting to unwrap Rob's package, if you know what I'm sayin'.

Because I have no life, I was telling Mr. B last Friday how it was Kristen's birthday and that rumors were probably swirling about the interwebs regarding Kristen going to visit him, etc. I didn't really think she would fly all the way from LA to freaking Budapest, so boy was I surprised to see that she actually did!

I'm not a big fan of paparazzi shots in general, especially when they are obviously intrusive and deliberately exploitative. Shots at a public airport, that amount to a few seconds of annoyance, don't trouble me quite as much. Like these of Rob and Kristen leaving Budapest together:

And this one of Rob and Kristen arriving in London:

Write a song for me Rob

These photos of them together aren't exactly revelatory to me - I think for anyone paying attention it's clear these 2 are in a romantic relationship. I mean, Catherine Hardwicke let her lips flap and said they were together. She put them together, so that's a source I give some weight to. Although it's pretty obvious without any kind of formal confirmation. They've put people in prison for life with less evidence.

I've said before I don't know why I care if they're together, but I do. It just seems right - how it's supposed to be. Maybe because Rob said so often how he wanted to be with her and I want Rob to have what he wants? I don't know, but it makes me happy knowing they are involved.

But apparently there are some people who really, REALLY, don't want them together. There are those who belive that Rob and Kristen's relationship is simply PR - that Summit is forcing them to spend personal time together in order to promote the Twilight series. Yeah, Rob and Kristen really seem like the easily manipulated types - um, uh, NOT!

While I would love to see a shot of them kissing or something - so I can sigh and go "oh, that's so sweet" - I really respect them for keeping their relationship to themselves. I am so sick of all the fame whores that Reality TV and the Internet haa created, so what a breath of fresh air to have young actors who aren't playing that game. It's obvious they have zero interest in being "celebrities" - and act accordingly.

Which must explain why Rob is the person I am blogging about. He doesn't seem to play games.

Sunday, April 11, 2010

Shirtless, Dotless Rob

I've had a particularly shitty week, but thank you Thinking of Rob for removing the black "sparkle effect" dots from these stills of Rob shirtless - from the Italian set of New Moon.

Mama Mia!

Click to enlarge. Seriously.

I don't know what kind of week you all had, but don't these make you all warm, wet and fuzzy inside?

Friday, April 9, 2010

I entered the Twilight, Twilight Zone

So I went to drop something off at someone’s desk at work today, and there were 2 males (lets calls them Tom and Bobby), me and 1 other female (we‘ll call her Alice) in this cube section. Now Tom is your typical sports loving guy and Bobby I don’t know that well, but he‘s probably in his early 30‘s. Alice is around 22 and loves vampires and the Twilight series. This is the conversation that went down:

Tom: (addressing me) So I saw your movie last night.

Alice: Remember Me?

Tom: No freaking way!

Me: Hey!

Bobby: Is that the new movie with Miley Cyrus?

Me: NO! It’s NOT a Nicholas Sparks film.

Emily is SO NOT Miley Cyrus!

Bobby: Rob Pattinson is like a bad Ryan Phillipe. He can’t act.

Me: Yes he can. Seriously - Remember Me is really good.

Tom: I watched New Moon. I really liked it.

Alice: You did?

Tom: I’m Team Jacob.

Me and Alice: Laugh

Tom: I’m all about the wolves. They were fierce.

Me: When she shifts the story to Jacob’s perspective, the wolves are not as exciting.

Bobby: It was a little much with the naked chest thing the whole movie.

This intimidates men

Me: Well, in the extras the director said there was another take of Jacob taking his shirt off really slowly when Bella falls off the bike, but the author Stephanie Meyer thought it looked like the Chippendales.

Bobby: Was the author involved with making the movies?

Me: Oh, yeah. Very involved. She even had a cameo in the first one.

Alice: What did you think of the Volturi?

Tom: Who?

Me: The Italian vampires?

Tom: Oh, I hate that girl. I was annoyed when she came on screen. But the “hurt” thing was cool.

Me: Dakota Fanning? Really?

There are people who hate Dakota Fanning?

Me: Pain (I imitated her)

Tom: Yeah, that’s right pain.

Tom: Tickle

Me: Laughs

Tom: Wow, it works. I said tickle and you laughed!

Me: LOL. That was pretty good. I have to go….

Alice: Eclipse looks even better.

Tom: When they are finished with the 12 books…

Me and Alice: 4 books

Tom: …they should have a werewolf and a vampire create a mixed baby - that would be so cool.

Wouldn't that be the Wolfman?

Alice: What do you think about Breaking Dawn being made into a movie? If they do the birth it will be like a horror movie.

Me: Yeah, a lot of people don’t want it made because of all that.

Alice: I think they’re right! They shouldn’t make it.

Do we really want to experience this again?

Me: They’ll probably do a lot of fade to black. Like Stephanie did to ruin the honeymoon scene. (Whispers) Stephanie is such a cock block.

Alice: Gasps. Her mouth is hanging open. She cracks up.

Bobby: I’ve been listening to the books on tape.

Me: (In my head - did he really just say that?) I didn’t really like the woman they had reading New Moon, but I got used to her.

Bobby: I think the one I’m listening to now has different actors doing the voices.

Me: Really? I didn’t th…

Bobby: I think so, let me look it up online.

Me: Sorry, I really have to go to a meeting. Tom, promise me you’ll see Remember Me when it comes out on DVD. You’ll like it!

I can’t tell you how weird the whole discussion was. Usually I get eye rolls and am mocked for my Twilight/Rob interest at work, so I really didn’t know what to make of it. I really felt like I had entered an alternative universe.

I was shaking my head in disbelief for much of the rest of the day….

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

Movie making looks b-o-r-i-n-g

but looking at costumed Rob isn’t…

I’ve never spent a whole lot of time watching footage of “real-time” film making – what actually happens on set throughout a day – but after watching Rob on the set of Bel Ami in Budapest, all I can say is WHAT A SNOOZE FEST! Seriously.

I don’t know how the hell the actors can stand waiting around hour after hour, day after day, for just a few moments of action. It’s just like a baseball game. And that doesn't even include all the hours in costume fittings, makeup, hair.

Not fun at all.

But what IS fun are the drawer-dropping, um I mean jaw-dropping (that was a real Freudian Slip, I kid you not!) photos of Rob that are coming from the set. It’s like the perfect storm of period-piece fantasies for me - and I’m sure many, many other Rob fans - who have always wanted their own Mr. Darcy.

I just can’t believe this gift that is being bestowed upon us. I am beside myself with anticipation for this film's release. Not only do we get 1800’s costumed Rob, but we get 1800’s costumed PERVY Rob. Mr. Darcy getting down!


I hope that Rob doesn’t find filming boring, and that it’s just me that would be driven crazy having to endure it. But just to amuse myself, I’m giving the stills of Rob from the Bel Ami set a little more entertainment value:

"Hold on. You have a booger."

Did you stumble onto the wrong set Rob? It's like the burning of Atlanta, Rhett.

Bel Ami tap dance number.

"Let me get that door to the 1800's for you, sir."

C'mon, give me a little smoochie-woochie...

I.GOT.NOTHING. I'm speechless

"You evil 21st century equipment! I spit on you!

"Stepping on horse poop was soooooo not in my contract."

"What am I supposed to do with this thing?"

"Oh, duh. It's rain effects today. I thought I left this crap on the Twilight sets."

"Please God, protect me from fans on the set today."

But it's the pelvic thrust...that really drives you insane...Let's do the Time Warp again!

If I had photoshop skills, Dean would be sooooo gone from this shot.

"It wasn't enough that I am so friggin beautiful in this tux, I had to stick out my tongue just in case I hadn't killed you yet."

I know, it makes you mad when I demand flowers Rob. But, awww, they're so pretty.

"I wonder ... if I wave this over my hat will a rabbit appear?"


"Move, boys. You're blocking the Sparkle Peen."

"Oh, crap. Rob's Bitch followed me to Budapest."

I want to be the one waiting in the carriage

Thursday, April 1, 2010

Vote for Robert Pattinson! Just vote, dammit!

It always amuses me when Rob wins these stupid voting award things. Mostly because it really pisses other people off that dislike him.

And this contest is definitely one of the funniest:

TIME Magazine 2010 100 Most Influential People

(Click on his name, slide the bar to 100, enter the verification words and then submit)

Rob is currently in SECOND PLACE behind some Ultimate Fighting Champion President guy. HIS fans are deliberately trying to beat Rob, so this is WAR! And considering Rob's fan base, it's probably winnable.

I think it would be a riot it Rob was TIME's Most Influential Whatever. Don't you?

Let's Do THIS!!!!

Let make THIS person TIME's Most Influential winner!