Rob, it's That Thing You Do

Hey Rob-

I was so excited to see you at the Eclipse Premiere "Black" Carpet event in LA last night. There were SO MANY live streaming options to choose from, I'm sure I'll spend all weekend catching up on it all. It was fun to see everyone turn out for the event, all dressed up.

Like Nikki Reed:



Rob, was this a souvenir Nikki picked up from her field trip to the local chicken slaughter/processing house, you know the one next to the figure skating pavillion? Or maybe she just borrowed it from Bjork and had it modified?



All I know is that Ashley Greene had enough fabric on her dress to cover Nikki up, and I wish she had. I think it would have improved both of their looks greatly.




Even though Kristen's dress could have been fitted much better, she looked beautiful last night:



But Rob, her Louboutins (shoes, Rob) were way too big for such high heels! You better watch her at these events to make sure she doesn't break her neck. Yikes!




But wait. WTF??? I know it's nice to get comfortable after a carpet event, but why, why, why can't Kristen find something APPROPRIATELY comfortable to wear at these after parties? REALLY????





Since you are such a fashionista yourself, and always pick the most amazing premiere ensembles...er...um... wait. I'm confused, Rob. They say that this was what you wore last night, but is this some old photo of you going to a costume party as one of The Wonders from the film "That Thing You Do"? Is the press playing a joke on us?




That would be these guys (now I have that song stuck in my head - good movie btw!):




I know, I know, it's a Gucci suit and you were trying to go for something different, but I'm not sure it worked. Of course you are still beautiful and adorable and nothing wrong with seeing what appears to be your dick swinging around in any pants you choose to wear, maroon or not (click for larger {oh, if only it were that easy!})





But colored suits do.not.work. They don't work on rappers, country singers, hip hoppers or NBA players, and they don't work on you.

It wasn't so bad when they gots shots of your upper body though







And because you are so beautiful, there were even some fuller-length shots of you that were very nice




The suit seemed to work better in still photos than it did with movement. It looked too small, and ill fitting. On the live feed, I LOL'd when I saw you - and said "only you, Rob, only you". But that's why I love ya Rob - because you're you. No matter what you wear, you make me smile.

Now go hire a new stylist.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox

Your Bitch

I entered the Twilight, Twilight Zone

So I went to drop something off at someone’s desk at work today, and there were 2 males (lets calls them Tom and Bobby), me and 1 other female (we‘ll call her Alice) in this cube section. Now Tom is your typical sports loving guy and Bobby I don’t know that well, but he‘s probably in his early 30‘s. Alice is around 22 and loves vampires and the Twilight series. This is the conversation that went down:

Tom: (addressing me) So I saw your movie last night.

Alice: Remember Me?

Tom: No freaking way!

Me: Hey!

Bobby: Is that the new movie with Miley Cyrus?

Me: NO! It’s NOT a Nicholas Sparks film.

Emily is SO NOT Miley Cyrus!

Bobby: Rob Pattinson is like a bad Ryan Phillipe. He can’t act.

Me: Yes he can. Seriously - Remember Me is really good.

Tom: I watched New Moon. I really liked it.

Alice: You did?

Tom: I’m Team Jacob.

Me and Alice: Laugh

Tom: I’m all about the wolves. They were fierce.

Me: When she shifts the story to Jacob’s perspective, the wolves are not as exciting.

Bobby: It was a little much with the naked chest thing the whole movie.

This intimidates men

Me: Well, in the extras the director said there was another take of Jacob taking his shirt off really slowly when Bella falls off the bike, but the author Stephanie Meyer thought it looked like the Chippendales.

Bobby: Was the author involved with making the movies?

Me: Oh, yeah. Very involved. She even had a cameo in the first one.

Alice: What did you think of the Volturi?

Tom: Who?

Me: The Italian vampires?

Tom: Oh, I hate that girl. I was annoyed when she came on screen. But the “hurt” thing was cool.

Me: Dakota Fanning? Really?

There are people who hate Dakota Fanning?


Me: Pain (I imitated her)

Tom: Yeah, that’s right pain.

Tom: Tickle

Me: Laughs

Tom: Wow, it works. I said tickle and you laughed!

Me: LOL. That was pretty good. I have to go….

Alice: Eclipse looks even better.

Tom: When they are finished with the 12 books…

Me and Alice: 4 books

Tom: …they should have a werewolf and a vampire create a mixed baby - that would be so cool.

Wouldn't that be the Wolfman?

Alice: What do you think about Breaking Dawn being made into a movie? If they do the birth it will be like a horror movie.

Me: Yeah, a lot of people don’t want it made because of all that.

Alice: I think they’re right! They shouldn’t make it.

Do we really want to experience this again?


Me: They’ll probably do a lot of fade to black. Like Stephanie did to ruin the honeymoon scene. (Whispers) Stephanie is such a cock block.

Alice: Gasps. Her mouth is hanging open. She cracks up.

Bobby: I’ve been listening to the books on tape.

Me: (In my head - did he really just say that?) I didn’t really like the woman they had reading New Moon, but I got used to her.

Bobby: I think the one I’m listening to now has different actors doing the voices.

Me: Really? I didn’t th…

Bobby: I think so, let me look it up online.

Me: Sorry, I really have to go to a meeting. Tom, promise me you’ll see Remember Me when it comes out on DVD. You’ll like it!

I can’t tell you how weird the whole discussion was. Usually I get eye rolls and am mocked for my Twilight/Rob interest at work, so I really didn’t know what to make of it. I really felt like I had entered an alternative universe.

I was shaking my head in disbelief for much of the rest of the day….