Friday, January 13, 2012

Rob's head looks like.... closely trimmed va-jay-jay.

Now you know what my pubes look like.

No seriously. Exactly.the.same.

And that’s not a look I want to see on top of Rob’s head.

I admit I’m picky when it comes to guys' hair and clothes. And I definitely have preferences when it comes to Rob. One of my greatest pleasures in life is looking at him – and I’m not apologizing for that!

My husband I have to love no matter how crappy he looks; my fantasy boyfriend needs to keep up appearances, or it's over.

This is what I think happened with Rob’s hair:

Nick: Rob, you have to at least get the beard cleaned up and get a haircut for The People’s Choice Awards appearance.

Rob: Fine. It’s the fans’ fault I have to go to this piece of shit award show during my time off, so fuck ‘em. I’ll just shave the thing and I’m wearing whatever the fuck I pull off the floor. Then I’m only going to show up for 2 minutes, sit next to Betty White, accept the award, and leave.

This photo was snapped right after Betty told Rob "I would have fucked you after the show, but now I have nothing to grab on to."

Yup, that’s how it played out…

Unless he had let it grow so much, and hadn't combed it in so long, that all the tangled clumps had to be shaved off. A more likely scenario.

Oh, Rob....

Rob’s Hair:

Long-ish hair is fine – but not when it’s floppy, or greasy, or all over the place.

Yeah, um, no

Short hair is fine – but not so much when you can see the cranial landscape.

And people thought THIS was too short.

I’m sick of the ugly baseball hats.

No Rob, I will NOT obey until you stop wearing the baseball hats!

Amazingly starting to miss the beanie, although that got a little old as well.

The Beanie kind of grew on me - and I'm sure that wasn't the only thing growing on that sweaty thing...

The Grizzly Adams beard sucks. And hair on the neck, under the chin, grosses me out!!!

BAD beard/hat combo

GOOD beard/hat combo, bwhahahahahaha

Now THIS beard works (although the hair is pushing my limits)

This shot makes my trimmed va-jay-jay very happy!

Hate when the eyebrows are too overgrown – if you can braid them or they are starting to grow into the hairline, trim them.

I want to hold him down and manscape those things :>)

Rob's Clothes:

I don’t mind casual, but there are degrees of casual. Rob tends to go way too casual to some award shows and interviews (not Adam Sandler-casual, but too casual none the less).

This is what the schlub wears to a premiere. Enough said...

Sharing shirts with Tom Sturridge and Kristen aren’t cutting it.

I wonder if Tom and Rob compete for bad looks? I also wonder if they wash the shirts before swapping.

If the clothes aren’t crisp and clean and without tears, it’s never appropriate for an award show…period.

At least his People's Choice Award outfit was...dark?

Rob doesn’t give a shit – which irritates me and makes me chuckle at the same time. If I leave the clothing selection to Mr. Bitch, he will inevitably be changing before we leave the house – at least once. Rob and I would not get along.

I guess I'm not really Rob's Bitch after all - clearly he's mine.

And just to put my critique of Rob in perspective, I'll leave you with this photo of Tom Sturridge

Friday, January 6, 2012

Oops, I saw it again

There are 2 theaters within a few miles of my home and work that have "Super Tuesdays". Every Tuesday, movies all day cost $6! So the plan was that I'd get my Breaking Dawn fix in on a few Tuesdays, without "breaking" the bank. $#(^@&# didn't happen! Those 2 theaters were done with the film faster than I could grow a demon baby with vampire semen.

Is it sparkling?

WTF? Why is it that you blink and movies are gone from the theaters? Could it have something to do with the greedy bastards that want the DVD profits? All I know is it sucks - for the once or twice a year I give a shit.

Soooooo...before Breaking Dawn left the big screen entirely, I got my ass over to see it one last time - sucking it up and paying the $11.25 for the honor. That honor included half an hour of irritating commercials and promos. (Although it was interesting to recommit to my original feeling that Kate Winslet looks too old for Leo DiCaprio in Titanic - 3D re-release anyone?) If it wasn't for the desire to get a good seat, I would always show up late to miss the annoyance of neverending trailers. I kept muttering "Another one????? Get to Rob already!!!"

A lovely mother and son moment from Titanic.

I think I liked Breaking Dawn better the second time around. And there was one scene that was worth the price of the admission to see again: The Wedding Kiss.

Let's just say I'm a self-proclaimed Rob movie-kissing expert - and I haven't always been impressed. In fact, I've worried that Rob is not a good kisser (((HORRORS)). Sometimes you can just tell from watching whether a guy knows what he's doing...or not.

See, here Rob is just doing it all wrong (but what a fucking lucky Anna Kendrick, regardless).

Up until Eclipse, I wasn't convinced about Rob's kissing skills. But then those opening scenes in the meadow with Kristen caught my attention. Hmmmm, I thought, Rob looks to be getting better at this. Now don't get me wrong, the Twilight first-kiss-bed scene was hot, but that was more about the anticipation of them locking lips, not so much the technique. Clearly Rob has gotten better.

I'm surprised this open mouth got past Stephenie Meyer.

I mean how amazing was the wedding kiss? It went on forever! This angle, that angle, no guests, guests, open mouth, closed mouth....full minute(s) of hot!

Kiss her Rob... wait, they're still going, oh my, you go Rob! Holy shit!

In addition to enjoying that kiss once again, there were a few other things I took note of the second time around:

Rob's Bod

I was a little hard on Rob's body (hee hee) after the first viewing. He was in better shape than I initially thought, although I still didn't notice any significant abs displayed in any of the scenes. His biceps were looking fine. And of course his back is spectacular.

Yup, I take it all back. Jockey Boxer Brief Rob for the win!

Rob's Wardrobe

I liked that we got to see lots of his skin. Shorts, tanks, t-shirts - lots of tight t-shirts - and jeans. And he pulled off the island leisure wear. Loved the boxers he wore in bed, in the scene where Bella tries to seduce him with the negligee.

Rob, tank, biceps, blergghhh...

And considering the wardrobe, it's even more obvious that he should have been SPARKLING in the Brazilian sun! Fail!

Um, hello CGI dept? Did you fall off a waterfall? Get lost in the rain forest?

Isle Esme housekeeper

I'm pretty sure the housekeeper on Isle Esme also played the First Wife in Eclipse. Can anyone confirm that? Of course that would mean she came back from the dead after stupidly killing herself, instead of just drawing blood. But I swear it's the same actress!

This is one of the images that came up when I searched for "First Wife New Moon".


I thought Taylor looked kind of hot with his scruff. The scene where he came to the wedding was particularly appealing.

Gotta give hot credit where hot credit is due.


Kristen was really in great shape. She looked so much more mature and toned. And she managed to create actual tears in a few scenes! I just wished she cried less over Jacob - and showed more tears over Edward throughout the series. I'm not usually one to care about films living up to books, but Bella cried a whole lot in the books - in the films, not so much.

I didn't mind her fake wedding dress.

It does look nicer without the blood.

And the real dress wasn't quite as low in the back as I initially thought.

No butt crack showing, I think.

The Wolfpack

Hated them just as much the second time around.

I refuse to post a photo of any of them. It would be an insult to these actual wolves.

I can't recall anything else of significance. Maybe that's because it was revealed this week that the next movie we'll see Rob in will include (SPOILER) a full view of his thrusting ass, doing it doggy style, in period garments.

I anticipate Bel Ami will blot out this Little Ashes "period-piece" nudity - thankfully!

Happy New Year to us!!