Friday, June 25, 2010

Rob, it's That Thing You Do

Hey Rob-

I was so excited to see you at the Eclipse Premiere "Black" Carpet event in LA last night. There were SO MANY live streaming options to choose from, I'm sure I'll spend all weekend catching up on it all. It was fun to see everyone turn out for the event, all dressed up.

Like Nikki Reed:

Rob, was this a souvenir Nikki picked up from her field trip to the local chicken slaughter/processing house, you know the one next to the figure skating pavillion? Or maybe she just borrowed it from Bjork and had it modified?

All I know is that Ashley Greene had enough fabric on her dress to cover Nikki up, and I wish she had. I think it would have improved both of their looks greatly.

Even though Kristen's dress could have been fitted much better, she looked beautiful last night:

But Rob, her Louboutins (shoes, Rob) were way too big for such high heels! You better watch her at these events to make sure she doesn't break her neck. Yikes!

But wait. WTF??? I know it's nice to get comfortable after a carpet event, but why, why, why can't Kristen find something APPROPRIATELY comfortable to wear at these after parties? REALLY????

Since you are such a fashionista yourself, and always pick the most amazing premiere wait. I'm confused, Rob. They say that this was what you wore last night, but is this some old photo of you going to a costume party as one of The Wonders from the film "That Thing You Do"? Is the press playing a joke on us?

That would be these guys (now I have that song stuck in my head - good movie btw!):

I know, I know, it's a Gucci suit and you were trying to go for something different, but I'm not sure it worked. Of course you are still beautiful and adorable and nothing wrong with seeing what appears to be your dick swinging around in any pants you choose to wear, maroon or not (click for larger {oh, if only it were that easy!})

But colored suits They don't work on rappers, country singers, hip hoppers or NBA players, and they don't work on you.

It wasn't so bad when they gots shots of your upper body though

And because you are so beautiful, there were even some fuller-length shots of you that were very nice

The suit seemed to work better in still photos than it did with movement. It looked too small, and ill fitting. On the live feed, I LOL'd when I saw you - and said "only you, Rob, only you". But that's why I love ya Rob - because you're you. No matter what you wear, you make me smile.

Now go hire a new stylist.


Your Bitch


  1. Nikki Reed's dress is totally a rip off of Bjork's Swan fiasco. I cringed, I admit it. And poor KStew in her grown up shoes was holding on to RPattz's "Ron Burgundy" (thank you Moi!) suit for dear life. In general, I'm a fashion fail myself so I try not to judge but... oh, who am I kidding? I judge. :)

  2. Well, when you become a global superstar and walk red carpets, I'll start judging you too!

    I think because we live vicariously through them we expect a certain level of glamour. And we want hot photos of them in these clothes to, ehem, "look" at.

    I can't find it now, but someone did a photoshop of Ron Burgundy with the text "Rob, I want my suit back. NOW!" Very funny...