Friday, March 5, 2010

Rob - I quit!

Hey Rob-

Have I been hired as your publicist? It sure does seem that way. If so, consider this my termination notice - effective immediately. Because I'm FUCKING DONE!!

Why am I quitting? Because it's a thankless task trying to reason with dickheads on the internet.

I had considered starting a blog dedicated to you for a while, but the ensuing stupidity that broke out over your Details magazine shoot and article pushed me to finally do it. I was so annoyed by all the speculation being spewed about your feelings toward vaginas, questioning your sexuality and racial attitudes. And it gave me the idea for my blog name.

Mostly I've been defending you on Huffington Post, where the readers have no clue who you are, but draw all kinds of negative conclusions about you. For a while I would just try to calmly educate them about you and all your talents, but that just resulted in them redirecting their mocking to include me.

Last week after your appearance on The View, and the resurgence of the vagina allergy discussion on Huffington Post, I just started leaving this comment each time someone made a pathetic "gay" comment about you: "Wow. You stuck your dick up Rob Pattinson's ass?" Because if you haven't, you should just shut the fuck up!"

I can't understand why the moderators kept deleting my remark. I think it was appropriate.

I've had some time to reflect on the Huffington Post hostility the last few days and I've concluded HuffPost is doing it on purpose. They are trying to get traffic to their site and your name will produce that. Regular readers are so sick of seeing your name everywhere, that it immediately puts them in attack mode. You know, it's the "he's popular, we don't get it, we have no intention of determining why, so let's get the pitchforks."

And HuffPost feeds this mentality by posting the most misleading headlines and out-of-context quotes and content. Mix deliberate misinformation with ignorance and you get the mob-mentality going. I mean it's not like you have ever done anything else to make anyone think you're gay.

Oh, yeah. There is that.

But you also said this in an interview regarding Little Ashes:

“And here I am, with Javier [Beltr├ín], who plays Lorca, doing an extremely hard-core sex scene, where I have a nervous breakdown afterward. And because we’re both straight, what we were doing seemed kind of ridiculous.” (Now he’s sort of laughing.) “Trying to do it doggie-style. Trying to have a nervous breakdown while doing it doggie-style. And it wasn’t even a closed set. There were all these Spanish electricians giggling to themselves.”” — Robert Pattinson, 2009 GQ (April Issue)

So now that I understand that your success will breed the desire of others to knock you down - facts be damned - I'm going to try to restrain myself from defending you online. Time and more great roles from you will shut these twats up. If not, you could always stick your dick in their mouths.


Your former publicist


  1. OMG---I ADORE this post. So many good points, I don't know where to start. You must admit...he does it make it hard (that's what he said) for any publicist to do a good job. I don't balme you for quitting...LMAO!!!

  2. Yes Mrs. P, I do blame Rob a bit for his word diarrhea, but then we probably wouldn't love him, would we? But loving Rob is a thankless job...thankless I tell ya!

  3. Lisa Version N. VAMarch 9, 2010 at 11:39 AM

    Hey, I really like the idea of sticking his dick in the mouth of anyone being a jerk. I think that is a really great solution for many of life's problems.