Sunday, June 3, 2012

The Longest Foreplay in History! Did Bel Ami satisfy?

I know we're in the middle of Cosmopolis madness, but in the US next weekend, Bel Ami will be debuting in some theaters. A very few theaters, unfortunately. So it seems like the appropriate time to share some thoughts.

Was Bel Ami worth the wait, anticipation and aggravation? Did it make my loins burn with the heat of a thousand suns?

Well, not entirely...

It might have something though to do with high expectations. It's a period piece (my favorite genre), with Rob as the lead, having sex with multiple women. So that's a shitload of expectations!


The Good

- The beauty that is Rob - the camera just loves the boy. And the costumes were gorgeous on him, or off him. Just perfect.

- The scene where he first tries to have sex with Clothilde and they are kissing on the bed and he is obsessed with ripping off her dress to get at her boobs. Hot!

- Rob doing a film in a British accent. (I have issues with that in general regarding the film {see below}, but having Rob speak in his native tongue was a real treat).

- Uma Thurman never looked so good. I've never found her attractive, but she looked soft and lovely in this film.

- Rob's got game! I wasn't sure he could pull off seducing multiple women, but he was convincing.

- Rob had chemistry with everyone. Compared to his chemistry with Reese Witherspoon in Water for Elephants, I bought into each woman - regardless of their age or type.

- Rob and Christina (Georges and Clothilde) were so sweet together. They seemed like a real couple.

- Kristin Scott Thomas was appropriately pathetic.

- Angry DuRob! Vein popping out of head? Oh yeah! Rob saying "All along I was the one getting fucked!" Double oh yeah!
- Rob in long johns.

- Rob fixing a woman's hair.

- Christina Ricci - she was amazing. Perfect mix of vulnerability and resignation about the situation.

- Passed out, drunk, beaten Rob. For some reason, very yummy.
The Bad

- The character development. It didn't work. I didn't really care about anyone.

- Rob's weird mouth movements. Very strange.

- Georges' flashback/dream/crying sequence when Charles Forestier died. Just didn't work.
- Leaving out the visit with Georges' parents from the book. The whole film felt very claustrophobic. We needed some scenes with them in the coutryside.

- Having everyone speaking in British accents in a film based in France. Was a little distracting.

- Uma Thurman over-acting.

- Not enough of Rob's thrusting ass. More of this with lights on, please!!!!
The Ugly
- Every man in the film except Rob. You know, I noticed that in Water for Elephants as well. Are other men really that ugly in comparison, or is it deliberate casting decisions?

- The prostitutes. Seriously, the one he was attracted to was not attractive! The makeup, the hair, the clothes. Very strange if that was an accurate depiction of how prostitutes looked at that time in France.

Back to some of the "good":

In general, I was expecting to dislike Georges DuRoy, but I didn't find him any more of a user than any of the other players. They all seemed to be self-serving social climbers.

I hope to be able to see this in the theater. Thanks to Verizon, I never did get to see it in HD... bastards.


  1. I'm excited to see it minus Uma and Christina (they're not my favs)
    But I'll see it for Rob...even though based on pics, he looks sweaty...or greasy haha. Whatever, I love him regardless. :)

  2. Did you get to see it Jaymes805? I never did get to the theater where it was playing nearby since it only played for 7 days and I was out of town for most of that. Arrrgghhhhh! Seriously the most frustrating film experience of my life, all around.

    Yeah, Rob is a little greasy (hair fashion of the times) and dirty in some of the film , but if it made him any less hot, I certainly didn't notice!

    I think you'll be surprised at how likable Christina Ricci is in this. Uma? That's a toss up...