Saturday, February 27, 2010

Well whad'ya you know?

My theory has so far proven correct! Kristen did fly back to NY with Rob, as evidenced in this photo of them (with Rob's best friend Tom Sturridge) at JFK last night. I'm relieved Rob made it, considering the reports of flight cancellations due to the major snowstorm in NY.

Of course, Kristen could be in NY because Remember Me is premiering the Eclipse trailer, but I'm sticking to her being there to support her boyfriend in his film release Monday. Got to feed the fantasy...

This should be an interesting week!

Thursday, February 25, 2010

Or did she?

So yesterday I accused Kristen of not having appropriately pedicured feet at the ELLE Fashion Awards here

and then last night I saw this:

Kristen's feet at the BAFTA Awards.

If you are a psycho like me, you will CTRL + your way to examining her feet closer and lo and behold, it does appear that she has clear polish on at the BAFTAS.

So this begs the questions - could it just be that she has ugly toenails? That her pedicure wore off by the next day? That no amount of salon assitance can make her feet look open-toe ready? Or was it just a bad pedicure? Maybe she needs a color instead of clear?

Whatever the case may be, I will be checking myself into a psych ward now, because I clearly need some help.

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Kristen Stewart needs a PEDI! STAT!

I have a thing about hands and feet. Mr. Bitch (henceforth known as "Mr. B")says I'm a freak, but if the nails are too long, or the shape of the appendages are strange or unnattractive (based on my own personal gag-o-meter) I'm weirded out. In fact, I would probably not enter into a physical relationship with someone whose hands and feet I found unappealing. (I refuse sexual contact with Mr. B if he hasn't trimmed to my specifications.)

I do make exceptions though if the issues are sporadic, like with Rob - whose nails can be long sometimes. And I have a feeling he has ugly feet - but since it would only be a one time thing anyway, he can keep his socks on. Taylor Lautner? Gag-o-rama! His nails are funky!

Also, I cannot STAND when women (or men) continue to wear polish beyond the expiration date. If it's looking raggedy, they have this new-fangled invention known as p.o.l.i.s.h. r.e.m.o.v.e.r. Use it! I especially don't understand when celebrities do this, knowing they will be photographed or doing a photoshoot. I mean REALLY? If I had that kind of money, I'd be getting manis and pedis daily, for fuck's sake.

Which brings me to Kristen Stewart. Girlfriend needs a pedicure - badly. Exhibit A:

This photo of her was taken yesterday at the ELLE Style Awards in London, where she won the Woman of the Year Award. (I haven't absorbed the full meaning of THAT yet, but it probably requires its own post.) So that means she has probably been boinking Rob the last few days - with feet that look like t.h.a.t.

I'm sure Rob has his own personal foot-hygiene issues, and neither of them strike me as people who really give a shit about this, but still - if you get to fuck The Rob, could you at least respect that ultimate gift bestowed upon you? I mean, what if he wants to suck on those piggies? Be ready! There's a million polished tooties willing to take your place.

Kristen also attended the Burberry show in London, where she looked really cute and seemed to have a blast.

And THANKFULLY, she wore closed-toe shoes!

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Why do I give a CRAPSTEN?

So The Sun, a UK tabloid that is basically known to be 99.9% fiction (like the National Enquirer used to be), is claiming they got a scoop from Rob himself at the BAFTAS Sunday that he is dating Kristen Stewart. (And there is a photo of them leaving together in a car.)

Now the Twi-ternets are all a flutter as to whether or not this story is true. Endless debates are raging, chairs are being flung in disgust, middle-aged women are jumping on couches like Tom Cruise.

And me, I want it to be true, though I have no clue why I give a shit.

I remember seeing some TV coverage of Rob at Cannes last year, and I guess in the back of my head I knew something about the Twilight movie. So not too long after, I was at my local Red Box and saw Twilight and figured I'd watch it for a $1. (BTW, it really pisses me off that there are no more brick and mortar video stores near me. I love the whole process of picking up the boxes to read about the films to make my selection. And if I had a sudden urge to watch The Cutting Edge, I could go and rent it. Bite me Netflix.)

Worst $1 I ever spent.

Why? Because that $1 led me down the Rabbit Hole that is the Twilight time suck. That $1 bought me some crazy I can't explain or eradicate. I should have put that $1 into the Scratch-Off Lottery Ticket Machine next to the Red Box machine instead. George Washington can fuck himself - sideways.

I have a habit of googling actors I don't know in a film, and I googled Rob. I watched some of his interviews, and saw that he's a musician and listened to him sing. Then I googled Kristen and saw that there was talk of them being a real life couple. And for some reason I found THAT intriguing.

So whenever there is buzz about their coupledom, I'm like a giggly, goofy-grinning, hand-clapping moron. Like today. Clap, clapped, clapping. (For the record, I don't like the moniker "Robsten" and try to avoid it. And was it LOST that started the whole "shipper" thing? Ditto on that.)

I have a theory why this Sun article might be true:

Rob has his first significant lead in Remember Me and the premiere is in NYC next week. Kristen is in London right now and will fly to NY with Rob and attend the premiere - so it's time to publicize the relationship. that everyone thinks Rob is gay due to his self-proclaimed allergy to vaginas, it seems a good time to admit he's dating someone with a vagina.

At the Remember Me premiere?

Theories, though, are like assholes...yeah, you know the rest.

Monday, February 22, 2010

It's Time

In the words of Alice Cullen, it's time.

It's time to humiliate myself by starting a blog about Robert Pattinson. I figure if I'm going to devote my waking (and resting) hours to a 23-year-old boy, I might as well dive in crazy-head first.

I have no idea what this experiment will bring, but I need a place to vent about this illness that has gripped me.

Batter up....