Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Why do I give a CRAPSTEN?

So The Sun, a UK tabloid that is basically known to be 99.9% fiction (like the National Enquirer used to be), is claiming they got a scoop from Rob himself at the BAFTAS Sunday that he is dating Kristen Stewart. (And there is a photo of them leaving together in a car.)

Now the Twi-ternets are all a flutter as to whether or not this story is true. Endless debates are raging, chairs are being flung in disgust, middle-aged women are jumping on couches like Tom Cruise.

And me, I want it to be true, though I have no clue why I give a shit.

I remember seeing some TV coverage of Rob at Cannes last year, and I guess in the back of my head I knew something about the Twilight movie. So not too long after, I was at my local Red Box and saw Twilight and figured I'd watch it for a $1. (BTW, it really pisses me off that there are no more brick and mortar video stores near me. I love the whole process of picking up the boxes to read about the films to make my selection. And if I had a sudden urge to watch The Cutting Edge, I could go and rent it. Bite me Netflix.)

Worst $1 I ever spent.

Why? Because that $1 led me down the Rabbit Hole that is the Twilight time suck. That $1 bought me some crazy I can't explain or eradicate. I should have put that $1 into the Scratch-Off Lottery Ticket Machine next to the Red Box machine instead. George Washington can fuck himself - sideways.

I have a habit of googling actors I don't know in a film, and I googled Rob. I watched some of his interviews, and saw that he's a musician and listened to him sing. Then I googled Kristen and saw that there was talk of them being a real life couple. And for some reason I found THAT intriguing.

So whenever there is buzz about their coupledom, I'm like a giggly, goofy-grinning, hand-clapping moron. Like today. Clap, clapped, clapping. (For the record, I don't like the moniker "Robsten" and try to avoid it. And was it LOST that started the whole "shipper" thing? Ditto on that.)

I have a theory why this Sun article might be true:

Rob has his first significant lead in Remember Me and the premiere is in NYC next week. Kristen is in London right now and will fly to NY with Rob and attend the premiere - so it's time to publicize the relationship. Or...now that everyone thinks Rob is gay due to his self-proclaimed allergy to vaginas, it seems a good time to admit he's dating someone with a vagina.

At the Remember Me premiere?

Theories, though, are like assholes...yeah, you know the rest.


  1. Ooh *sniff sniff*, I love the smell of fresh paint! ;o). LOL at your hand clapping, I've been known to do that too over Twilight, more than a few times. I'm pretty sure it's true, I thought it was even before the wrist-holding airport pics surfaced on the NM press tour.

    Loved this line: Or...now that everyone thinks Rob is gay due to his self-proclaimed allergy to vaginas, it seems a good time to admit he's dating someone with a vagina.


    Off to add you to our roll and pimp for you :o)

  2. LMAO! Yes...a relationship with a vagina would solve the rumoured vagina allergy, that's for sure! (I'll admit...it had me a little concerned)...consider yourself "followed"!

  3. Awww shucks, you two. I feel so honored by your visit! If Chimpsten appears, I will start blinking and stuttering.

    Mrs. P, I will be adding your blog right now to my list.

    Thanks for breaking my comments cherry!

  4. I'm afraid Chimpsten has gone AWOL, bloody diva monkey, has taken her passport and everything.

  5. Girlfriend, love your blog!
    He sure looks into that vagina to me!