And the winner is....

certainly not this contest.

Sheesh.

The lack of interest is bringing back my recent yard sale memories. You can't even give nice shit away for nothing.

Anywho..

I wish I had 3 calendars, since I really appreciate you ladies for entering your comments, but the calendar goes to...

SMITTEN!!

Your relaying of your husband's comment (although it pisses me off when people call Rob gay!) and your son's aversion to breasts certainly did make me laugh!

Email your mailing address to me at rpatzb@gmail.com and I'll send this baby on out to you.

I am so enjoying gazing at my calendar right now, as I type. Let me know what you think when you get it.

Thanks again ladies! Here's a little something to show my appreciation:

Robert Pattinson 2011 Calendar Giveaway!

Damn you, Groupon.

Here I am, now in POST-moving hell. (How the fuck do people work and move and set up a house and have time to take a shower?) But Groupon just had to offer a Shutterfly deal of two calendars for the price of one last week. Except I thought I could make 2 DIFFERENT calendars. Um, no.

So I used half of my precious Sunday last weekend to put together a Rob calendar - before freakin January is over. What a pain in the ass. For some reason my laptop - clueless as I am - has been saving my Rob photos in recent times as bitmaps instead of jpegs. And since Shutterfly only takes jpegs - and I didn't have time to rectify the problem - I wasn't able to use some photos I was planning on putting in the calendar.

But...I just got it in the mail and this thing came out FUCKING GORGEOUS! And I have an extra...



Screw those "professional" Rob calendars that have only ONE giant photo of Rob per month. MY calendar has many Robs per month. Let's just say this works out much, much better.

Trust me. If you are reading this blog, you want this one two of a kind calendar.

Although it's hard to make Rob G-Rated, since he's just naturally XXX, I kept the calendar work and kid safe. This would have been a WHOLE different piece if I was hanging it at home.

So how can you get it?

First, if you're not already, become a follower of this blog. Then, in the comments, tell me why you MUST have the calendar. Whoever makes me laugh the hardest, wins!

Deadline to enter is midnight Tuesday, January 11. (1/11/11 - cool!). I'll post the winner on Wednesday.

Here's a looky-loo (click on photos to enlarge):

The antidote...to January

Rob+Oscars=Love

Lucky Charm



Remember Me

Bel Ami

Now this is FIREWORKS!

Montauk, L.I.





Thankful for you



Now go forth and make me laugh. Please. I need a few laughs. And you need this calendar.

xoxxoxoxoxoxoxo

Never Think you can underestimate the power of Rob

It's dark and rainy, Aunt Flo is flowing hard and fast and giving me the shits. I'd rather be anyplace than where I am - in agonizingly slow, rain-induced traffic, having to take off an hour from work, in search of a place to live - worrying I'm going to be forced to take a dump on the side of the road, in the rain. But the month is running out of days and I can't postpone checking this place out for wishes of nicer weather, a calmer stomach and a period-free day.

The radio is offering no comfort - repeating traffic and weather updates; music I don't want to hear; obnoxious announcers reading loud and crappy ad scripts. So I switch to my "mix" CD that's already in the player. It's songs I'm practicing for singing perfomances, but for some odd reason I included..

...Rob.

As if by design, it was cued up to his track. The car was suddenly filled with the calming guitar intro of Never Think - and it was transformative. Like instantaneously cathartic.

I was in Port Angeles, not in traffic. I was at Bella Italia, not in my car. I was eating dinner with Rob amid soft lights and he was telling me he didn't have the strength to stay away from me any longer. I pictured his fingers playing each string and his mouth releasing each lyric. I released a big sigh, and formed a big smile. And said out loud, "Vampire".

Just kidding...

I said "thank you Rob". And I really meant it. It's amazing the joy this man brings.

Mr. Bitch's Twitarded faux pas

This was just too good not to share..

Mr. Bitch: So anything new going on with Rob?

Rob's Bitch: Not really. Oh, some people Tweeted that they saw Rob and Kristen eating out and that Rob shaved his beard.

Mr. Bitch: Are you sure the TwiTarts don't just put this stuff out there to get everyone all excited about something?

Rob's Bitch: What was the name you just used? Did you just say TwiTarts?

Mr. Bitch: Yeah, TwiTarts. Right?

Rob's Bitch: Bwhahahahahahaha. It's TwiTARDS, not TwiTARTS! But that's pretty funny. I wonder if anyone has used that.

Mr. Bitch: Well, you are a TwiTart.

He's got me there....

Bloggus Interruptus - not that it will make much of a difference

I know, I'm not the most prolific blogger. Face it, I suck. But work is getting into the "busy" season and I have to move to a new place by November 1 - so something's gotta give, and it's gonna be Rob. And Netflix. Netflix Instant Play is the Devil.


There's a reason Netflix's color theme is RED!

I'm trying to trick myself about the urgency of my situation by making some official declarations to put a halt to all frivolity. I put my Netflix account on hold and am going to stay away from the Internet.

(Yeah right.)

And Fall TV Season? Arghhhh. Why, why, why...?

All this shit is like crack! I literally brought my laptop into the laundry room this weekend because I couldn't be down there for an extended period knowing there was a movie I could be watching. That's fucked up.

I have a Pepsi machine in my laundry room. Don't you?

But due to my other addiction - shopping - I have like 3 houses worth of crap to go through and pack/toss/sell. It's daunting. Especially for a procrastinator.

Sooooooo....

Arrivederci (I watched Letters to Juliet yesterday, and then just had to watch Under the Tuscan Sun because I needed more Italian countryside. See why I get nothing done?).

I'm sure I won't be gone too long, because who can stay away from this?

We interrupt, um, absolutely nothing, to bring you Rob's eyelashes!

You want bigger? What are waiting for? Click damn it!!!

Robert vs. Robert

It's Robert Pattinson vs. Robert Downey Jr. in E!'s King of Summer contest. It started out with several other rounds of celebrities and now it's down to these two. I do like me some Robert Downey Jr., but he's never inspired me enough to blog about him.

Voting ends soon, so let's get Rob another meaningless victory to annoy others. (Hey, at least I didn't bother you with this one until the Final 2.)

From the E! site:

Wow, this is just shocking. Shocking!

Some actor by the name of Robert Pattinson has made it all the way to the finals of our King of Summer Tournament. Really, we're just beside ourselves. This "underdog" managed to take down...

Leonardo DiCaprio, star of the summer's biggest movie, Inception, with 58 percent of the vote. But will he be able to repeat that performance against Robert Downey Jr.? RDJ's charms have proven themselves to be very powerful over the years, and he used them to easily move past Eminem in the previous round, 55 percent to 45 percent.

So who had the best summer?

Here it is, the final matchup.

Vote Here!